Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
And I don't mean what "you" did to that poor harmless bum... I mean what "he" did to you after you teased him!
How generous of you to share your AIDS with me.
(Sorry, we had to crop the pic, but trust us when we say this isn't a staged photo)
Why not do your girlfriend in front of your sisters?
What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, and 48, 58 and 68?
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!
Scott and his wife were working in their garden one day when Scott looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big! I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"
The wife chooses to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, Ted is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"
The wife chooses to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, Ted is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
"What do I know about sex? I'm a married man." --Tom Clancy "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." --Steve Martin
"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good." --Woody Allen
"My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet." --Bill Kelly
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant." --Henry Miller
"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." --Lynn Lavner
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible." --P. J. O'Rourke
"As the French say, there are three sexes--men, women and clergymen." --Rev. Sydney Smith
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." --Woody Allen
"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty." --George Burns
"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." --Matt Barry
"You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither." --Drew Carey
"Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast." --Woody Allen
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." --George Burns
"If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all." --Rodney Dangerfield
“When I get down on my knees, it is not to pray” --Madonna
