Showing posts with label Blondes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blondes. Show all posts
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand dolars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'
MORAL OF THE STORY -
Not all Irish are drunks,
not all blondes are dumb,
but all men...are men.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'
MORAL OF THE STORY -
Not all Irish are drunks,
not all blondes are dumb,
but all men...are men.
Three Ditsy Girls walk into a forest and soon find a pair of tracks.
The first ditz says: "I think they're deer tracks."
The second ditz says: "No, I think they're bear tracks."
The third ditz says: "You're both wrong! They're bird tracks!"
Then they get hit by a train.
The first ditz says: "I think they're deer tracks."
The second ditz says: "No, I think they're bear tracks."
The third ditz says: "You're both wrong! They're bird tracks!"
Then they get hit by a train.
A local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job.
After a series of questions that the blonde failed, the sheriff asked in desperation one final question:
"Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
The blonde looked a little surprised, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted:
"I don't know!"
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, the blonde wandered over to a restaurant where some friends were waiting to hear the results of the interview.
The blonde couldn't be happier.
"It's my first day on the job, and it went great."
"I'm already working on a murder case!"
After a series of questions that the blonde failed, the sheriff asked in desperation one final question:
"Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
The blonde looked a little surprised, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted:
"I don't know!"
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, the blonde wandered over to a restaurant where some friends were waiting to hear the results of the interview.
The blonde couldn't be happier.
"It's my first day on the job, and it went great."
"I'm already working on a murder case!"
A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blond), picked up the telephone, listened a moment, and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know some woman wanting to know 'If the coast is clear'."
The wife (undoubtedly blond), picked up the telephone, listened a moment, and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know some woman wanting to know 'If the coast is clear'."
Bambi, a buxom blond came running into the bedroom jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.
When Bambi said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"
She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!
He was ecstatic! They had been trying for awhile. He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"
Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"
He asked, "What do you mean, 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.
She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to pharmacy and bought the twin pack home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!"
When Bambi said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"
She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!
He was ecstatic! They had been trying for awhile. He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"
Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"
He asked, "What do you mean, 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.
She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to pharmacy and bought the twin pack home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!"
